10 Signs Why He Won’t Commit And What To Do About It
There’s nothing more disappointing than falling head over heels in love with a man who seems like he’s never going to commit to you! Perhaps, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve finally hooked “the one” – only to find out he’s just not ready.
Time after time, he shows you he’s just not ready to commit. Talk about frustrating!
Here are a few reasons he might not be ready to admit you are his one and only…
Why He Won’t Commit And What To Do About It
Reason One – He Still Isn’t Over His Ex-Girl
According to relationship experts at E-harmony, many guys will tell you they are over their ex, when they truly aren’t. This makes sense because they wouldn’t have a shot with you if they didn’t say this. In all honesty, he may have tried to convince himself of this, too.
It’s tough to accept the fact you may have opened yourself up to him, shown him your vulnerabilities, just to wind up his rebound girl when all is said and done. As disappointing as this news is, it’s better to find it out sooner than later. That’s little consolation for how you are feeling now, but it’s reality.
If you happen to spot a photo of his ex tucked back in his drawer somewhere or even a gift or two lying around, you better ask yourself seriously if this man is over his ex.
Reason Two – Just Plain Crappy Past Relationships
Some relationship breakups sting badly. If your guy happened to have a nasty breakup, it makes sense he’d be a little wary of committing to another, no matter how perfect you are for him.
Remember, this is about him, not you!
Of course, this depends on the circumstances surrounding his ex. It might take him some time to figure out that you aren’t like her no matter how much you show him. He’s scared and likely searching for indicators you are going to get just as nasty as she did.
Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is a tough one, and if you can muster the patience, you might be able to wait around for him to figure it out. If not, you’re going to have to chalk it up to a try and move on.
Reason Three – He’s Thinking Of Another
This is a truly hurtful reason. Sometimes, men can’t make up their mind, and they like to play both sides of the fence. Not fair, but it happens. Follow your gut with this one. If you think he’s got another girl on his mind, you need to call him out on it.
If you haven’t shouted out to the world you are boyfriend and girlfriend or your guy has a history of doubling it up, you need to consider this point seriously. The last thing you want is to wind up being the victim and holding out for a two-timing sleezeball, who clearly doesn’t give a crap about your feelings.
Hard to hear, but it’s the truth.
Reason Four – Content Where He Is In The Now
Believe it or not, there are some guys who decide to date, even when they really don’t want a girlfriend.
Totally not fair to the girl, of course.
Sure, he might enjoy the closeness and the sex, but his priorities are his friends, hobbies, and work. This is what I call a “me” boy. It’s best for you to call it quits, unless you are kosher with being a friend with benefits involuntarily.
Reason Five – Money, Money, Money
Yes, money is a huge factor in any relationship. However, it can halt a man from committing to a woman.
A guy might not commit to a girl because he has built a mountain of wealth and he doesn’t love her enough to bring her along for the ride. Sad but true, and that just means he doesn’t know what love is all about.
He may also be concerned about the divorce factor. It’s nasty, and often, it’s the man that loses his shirt. There’s no question about that, and understandably that scares men to death.
If you really want him to commit, you need to reassure him you can stand on your own two feet. Show him you will contribute and that should resolve this issue for him. Seeing is believing.
Let him know you are willing to sign a pre-nup if necessary. Just make sure he’s the one to whom you want to commit your heart and soul.
Reason Six – Some Men Are Romance Junkies
Many men are truly addicted to the idea of falling in love. They truly believe that. These men love to flirt; they enjoy getting to know new women. It’s not really a game for them. Think of it more like a hobby.
Make certain you check out whether your partner has a history of being a romance junkie. If he does, please don’t expect him to commit to you because he won’t. That’s just how the romance cookie crumbles.
Reason Seven – Pressure Cooker
Even in a truly loving relationship, some men will feel they are being pressured to take it to the next level when they aren’t ready.
Give him a little time to figure it out, but if you sense he is feeling pressured, ask him how he feels.
He needs to know how you are feeling, but if you are picking out your wedding colors and have your guest list decided, you’re giving him the ticket not to commit to you.
Reason Eight – Pre-term Responsibility
With any true union comes lots of responsibility. It makes sense some men might not be ready for the responsibility.
Sure, he may love spending time with you, but he might not be ready to hold the throw-up bucket for you. If you are moving towards your late 30’s and your baby clock is ticking, he might not be ready to handle the alarm going off.
This reason is totally understandable. However, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. That’s got to be up to you.
Reason Nine – Sex Only
Truth be told, some men are only in it for the sex. Many guys think, if they are getting what they need, why should they commit any deeper?
Think about that one for a minute. That’s just the way some men work.
Reason Ten – You’re Just Not It!
This pill is tough to swallow. Make note that you aren’t always going to be the girl of his dreams. There’s really nothing you can do about it, even if you want to.
Guys might know, deep down, you aren’t the one, but they will string you along because they like you on their arm. Perhaps they just like your company.
This is where you need to take control. Make him decide, and if you aren’t what he’s looking for, you need to break it off and move on.
Let’s take a close look at why you shouldn’t commit to this man.
According to Huffpost, there are certain types of men that women just shouldn’t date, particularly if you are looking to find that special man with whom you want to walk down the aisle soon.
It’s important you learn not to waste your time on the “maybe” men. Be aware the mind is a powerful thing, and it’s all too easy to rationalize his behavior because you want the dating game to be complete forever.
Newsflash! If he acts like a duck and quacks like a duck, he’s definitely a duck!
Typical Guys To Steer Clear Of:
This is the man that typically jumps from girl to girl but never ties the knot. He normally makes you believe he is ready to commit to you fully but never does. I hate to report you aren’t going to get any further than any of the other girls who believed he was the one.
Way Too Fast Too Soon
I’m all too familiar with this one. It’s when a man jumps in and races full speed ahead. You’ve just had your first successful date, and he’s already hinting about moving in and what type of ring you would like.
I kid you not; there are guys that jump the gun. This should raise a red flag of insecurity because true meaningful love takes time to create a spark and then lots of time to figure each other out before staying love manifests.
I’m sure you’ve run into this type of gent. He’s the man that is totally freaked out at the mention of making a long-term commitment with someone.
Normally, this guy helps you by letting you know up front he has commitment issues but not always. So, you need to keep your eyes and ears wide open.
The sad part is this kind of man is just wasting the time you could be spending hooking up with the man you deserve, the one who wants you and only you for the rest of his life.
Slick and Slide
Talk about a slider. This man never answers you honestly. He’s an expert in scooting around the issue and directing you elsewhere with a sly smile.
If what he is telling you about his past relationships just doesn’t add up, if your gut is telling you he’s not letting you in on everything, you need to label him a “bob” an “weave” guy and kiss him goodbye.
When a guy is always breaking your dates or always seems to have to head to work for an important meeting when you had plans, you need to shake your head and ask yourself why. If you find that this guy is ok with making you priority 3 or 4 on his list, you need to kick him to the curb and move on.
Of course, it feels awesome to get a special gift from a man. That just shows you are on his mind. However, if he’s going crazy with the gifts, you have to wonder if he’s just trying to keep you stuck on him a little longer until he gets bored and moves on. Don’t let the money spending lure you into something you don’t want.
Be wary of the guy who isn’t afraid to admit he’s had more women than you know. If you are looking to get a commitment from a man that dates a different girl or two every month, you need to wrap your head around the fact he’s not a man you should trust as far as you can throw him.
This guy is looking to add you to his stats of the women he has laid in his life. Don’t fall for it. Tell him to take a hike. You’ve got more pride and class than that!
When a man compares you to his ex, it is obvious he is not over her. This tells you that he still wants her, no matter what sweet words he’s uttering to you now.
Don’t let him get into your head and convince you that you are the only one for him. The last thing you need is to let your heart go freely to a man and get smacked in the face when his ex comes back into the picture.
Total Control Freak
I’m sure you’ve run across this type of sucky man before. Most of them certainly have mom issues. This makes him determined to control everything, including you!
Nobody should allow anyone to tell them what to do all the time. Seriously, you’re an adult and should be able to make your own decisions.
You definitely don’t need a man to make them for you. Understand, this type of man can never be pleased, and no matter what you do, it will never be good enough for him.
This one is pretty straightforward. Perhaps he tells you he’s a social drinker, but it shouldn’t take you long to figure out that’s not the case.
At first, it might seem fun, particularly if he’s a happy drunk. If he’s always got to have a drink when he’s with you, and worse yet, he is a nasty mean drunk, you need to make a quick exit. The sooner the better.
After you’ve figured out what man you’d like to commit to you, you need to consider a few pointers that will help you get this man to make that big decision.
Here are a few pointers to help you make that special man want to make you his one and only:
Pointer One – Make It Super Light And Fun
If you are serious about pushing him gently to commit to you, it’s important you keep the relationship light and fun. If you are stressed and sad, depressed, and argumentative, no man will want you in his life ‘til death do you part.
Make a point of having fun whenever the two of you hook up. Set up fun and easygoing dates, so he wants to hang out with you more.
Newsflash! The more time you spend getting to know each other in a stress-free zone, the better. Just means you are making him think about you more and want more of the connection you are creating together. That’s just magical!
Pointer Two – Back Off With The Interest
This one might be a little confusing at first, so hear me out. When you start becoming less attentive or interested in him, naturally, he’s going to want you more. Time apart can do wonderful things!
Although you’ve got to make sure you don’t push him too far away, or he might lose interest. Talk about a total backfire!
Don’t let him see your anxious desperation to be his girl. Play it cool and make him come to you. Never show him you are needy and clingy.
Keep yourself busy with work and don’t be so quick to reply to his text messages. Make him wonder what you are up to and you will put the ball in his court to make a commitment to you.
Pointer Three – Make Sure His Friends Adore You
This is a huge influencer in making a guy want to make you his. If you make enemies of his friends, you don’t stand a chance to stay with this man on a serious level. Guys need the approval of their guy pals to stick with a girl.
Make sure you don’t come across as fake, though, because you will be called out. Make a great first impression and make sure you keep that status and you will put a long-term commitment into the equation fast.
Pointer Four – Intermittent Reinforcement Is Prime
If you want a man to be yours, you need to set him up on a reward system that will warm him up to you. When a man goes out of his way to do something nice for a girl, she should reward him. That encourages him to continue along this path.
It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift or anything like that. It can be as simple as a kiss and a hug or buying him his favorite chocolate bar.
Give your guy positive attention, and I can guarantee you will encourage this man to see you as commitment-worthy.
Pointer Five – Infiltrate Into His Life
It’s normal for men to take their time asking a girl to be their girlfriend. If you want to move things along, one of the simplest moves you can make is to get more involved in his life, the things he loves.
Make sure you don’t go overboard. If you push too hard too fast, you will drive him away. Find a routine and stick to it. Start by calling him in the morning and at night, so he knows when to expect to communicate with you.
Then you can miss a few times and that will make him wonder what you are up to. Trust me, this works!
Pointer Six – Cause Him To Invest In You
Research shows you appreciate the things in which you invest your time and money. Guys care more when they put effort into a relationship. Bottom line…If you want a man to commit to you, it’s vital you get him to invest in you.
Keep in mind this has nothing to do with money, but it has everything to do the little things. If you get a flat tire, call him and ask him to fix it.
When you need the lightbulb changed, ask him. Subconsciously, he is will become more deeply attached to you because of all the effort he’s put into your relationship.
Point Seven – Get Lost
Well, not really, but when you like a guy, you want to spend more time with him, right? The trouble is, more isn’t better here. If you really want a man to be more in your life, you need to become scarce.
Slow down and pull back a little and make sure he has some opportunity to miss you. It won’t take him long to realize he misses you and doesn’t want to risk the chance of losing you to another man.
When you are trying to figure out why he won’t commit to you, it’s never easy. It’s important you work through this step by step. First, you need to make sure this is the guy you really want in your life forever.
Pay attention to the warning signs of a rotten apple and cut yourself loose if this describes your man. Then you need to look at the pointers and signals and decide why your man isn’t committing to you.
Often, there are numerous indicators you need to address. Finally, you’ll need to figure out what to do about it. Sometimes, you can reassure him and eliminate his commitment issues, and other times, there’s nothing you can do.
Most important, never forget you are in the driver’s seat. It’s up to you to make sure you find and keep the man of your dreams, the guy who wants to swoop you up and commit to you and only you.