How to Attract an Alpha Male

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Alpha males are an elusive species of men that exude confidence instead over arrogance, and meeting one can seem about as difficult as finding a unicorn. Women looking for alpha men can use every dating resource to their disposal, but it will ultimately come down to their efforts and judgment.

Understanding the psyche of the alpha male will maximize your chances of catching one. First, understand that acting like an alpha male and actually being one are entirely different. These differences will most likely become apparent throughout different interactions with him.

What Are the Traits of an Alpha Male?

Alpha males are men with confidence and are not afraid to take the lead in a situation. They are born leaders who naturally assert themselves wherever they go and will always be at the epicenter of every crowd.


In contrast, men pretending to be alphas or trying to bluff the confidence will get gradually more frustrated when they can’t command the same respect. This frustration is often taken out on their partners. Common manifestations include raising their voices or belittling their character to inflict power over them.

Pretenders give real alphas a bad name, so it’s essential to recognize the differences. According to the book “Engineering the Alpha” by John Romaniello and Adam Bornstein, the prominent characteristics in alphas are:

  • Helpful
  • Intelligent
  • Loyal
  • Confident
  • Vain
  • Prideful
  • Humble
  • Tolerant
  • Dedicated

Alpha males can come in many shapes and forms, ranging from leaner men with thick glasses to larger muscle-bound men in a muscle tee. The main similarity all alphas have is the control they have in their own lives.


They are continually looking to the future, and this confidence and self-assurance naturally attract others to them.

How Do I Get a Date with an Alpha Male?

Alpha males may be hard to find, but they’re even harder to catch. Even if you’re good looking, it won’t be enough to capture him.

Every person has their preferences, so there are no exact standards to follow. However, alpha males tend to prefer women who are self-confident and put effort into their appearance.

Alpha males will also notice the way you walk and talk, so carry yourself with pride.

How Do I Attract an Alpha Male?


There are no definitive rules in the law of attraction. Everyone has different preferences, and it’s no different between alpha males. However, following these tips on how to attract an alpha male may increase your chances.

Give him time to make the first move. Alpha males will want to feel in control of the situation. So, if you catch his eye, smile to indicate interest and let him come to you. When this happens, speak slowly and clearly. By slowing down your speech, you appear more self-confident and authoritative. It also helps to eliminate filler words like “um” or “like,” by using appropriate pauses instead.

Move your hands while talking. By using your hands to emphasize significant points in the discussion will cause you to be more physically engaging and appear more confident.

But be careful about coming across as cocky instead of confident. He must know you value yourself without being vain, and you can do this with little gestures like accepting compliments without deflecting them. To increase your confidence, wear clothes that make you feel attractive. But when dressing up, go light on the makeup.


Going natural is probably better when trying to impress an alpha male because they are attracted to confidence. Heavy makeup could give the opposite impression, so only highlight your best features and be sure to apply a little perfume or body spray before leaving the house.

Be sure to flatter his ego with compliments during the conversation. Don’t be afraid to tell him that you find him attractive. Alpha males love attention, and this will keep them close to you. But when it comes down to changing numbers, play hard to get. If he asks for your number, don’t ask for his. He’ll have to be the one to make the first move in this setup, and it will determine if he’s interested.

However, you might want to ask him out if you feel that he’s interested but doesn’t take the plunge. This would show you are confident enough to pursue him.

While these tips aren’t guaranteed to land you an alpha male, they will help you leave with a lasting impression.

How do I Keep an Alpha Male’s Attention?

One date with an alpha male is a privilege, but establishing a relationship is a conquest.


You’ll need to gradually build a solid foundation throughout many dates, which means you’ll need to know how to keep his interest. While every person has different emotional needs, alpha males generally stick with partners who stimulate their base instincts.

Alpha males are natural providers, so it’s vital that he feels needed by his partner. Don’t pretend to be helpless. Ask him to help cover your weaknesses. This is demonstrated through little actions, like reaching for something on the top shelf.

Involvement is also essential, so be sure to include him when making plants. For example, you could mention a hiking trail you’re interested in exploring or suggest a movie you would like to see. In general, exploring new activities is something most alpha males enjoy because it’s challenging them to try something new.

On the flipside, Alpha males tend to stick with partners who are secure enough in themselves to pursue their own interests. Alpha males dislike needy and overly emotional partners, so it’s essential to give him space to explore his hobbies and hang out with his own social groups.

While alphas like their independence and to feel appreciated by their partner, they also need someone who can challenge them if they’re wrong. While this could cause a fight, it is important to show him you are not afraid to go against him and will allow mutual respect to grow in the long run.


After you navigate the ins and outs of the alpha male personality, you will need to decide if you want a relationship. When approaching this conversation, be blunt. Don’t assume you are on the same page and talk openly about what you want out of this relationship.

If he doesn’t want the same thing, then politely end things with him and move on to the next guy. An alpha male is just a guy, and you deserve the relationship you want.

If he does say yes, he’ll love you, but there are several things to keep in mind.

What’s it Like to be in a Relationship with an Alpha Male?

During this journey, you will discover the downsides of the alpha male personality.

There are vital factors that make or break a relationship with an alpha male, so they need to find the right partners for them. The main traits alpha males need in relationships pertain to loyalty, ambition, and stability.


Stability is essential because alpha males crave equalization with their partners. They don’t like drama and need to know they are the primary romantic person in their partner’s life. This also pertains to the importance of loyalty. Alpha males are loyal to a fault and expect the same from their partners.

Alpha males are also very ambitious, which means they are constantly aiming higher and will always have a goal. So their partners should have their ambitions and the drive to make them come true. This will free up both parties to pursue their own interests and will put less pressure on him to juggle the relationship.

Not surprisingly, alpha males are very organized in most aspects of their lives. This plays into their need for stability, as well as their low tolerance for relationship drama. Shared responsibility and mutual respect are also vital components, with alpha males often asking if their partner is reliable self-sufficient.

Partners often demonstrate this through self-discipline and the need to provide for themselves financially. Along with being an equal contributor, alpha males need someone who can argue with them and are not afraid to go against them. However, alpha males need someone with enough patience who will stand by them through their worst times.

On that note, their partners need to be blunt. Alpha males value their time and don’t like it wasted. Even if the subject is unpleasant, stalling will make it worse.


On a lighter note, their partners should have a bit of spontaneity to them. Alpha males are continuously moving towards their goals and may forget to sit back and relax. Surprising them with activities on their day off may be a great way to help them decompress, but make sure he wouldn’t rather take the day to rest instead.

Another important trait alpha males seek in their partners is intelligence. Despite the macho stereotype, alpha males are usually quite smart and need a partner who can hold a conversation with them. Even if you all have most or all these characteristics, this does not guarantee success for the relationship.

Alpha males express love and affection in relationships in a distinct way. As mentioned before, alpha males do not like needy partners and dislike relationship drama. However, this does not mean they are apathetic. Clear communication is vital for any relationship, which includes telling your alpha male your wants and needs.

Alpha males operate on an “abundance mentality” in relationships, which means he knows he has a lot to offer and wants to share his passion life with the right person. However, he still values his independence and will reject codependency.

Alpha males will always have a plan and have no problem making decisions. While this can create conflict, most alpha males are not going to complain about your control issues because he wants an equal partnership.


Two constants you will find in all alphas males is that they tend to be very egocentric and may be reluctant to admit fault. Alpha males ultimately require strong partners to bring them down to earth when needed.

How Do I Argue with an Alpha Male?

Every relationship has conflict. Coming down to personality traits and argument style, fighting with an alpha male is like trying to chisel your way through concrete. You’ll make progress, but the foundation isn’t going to crack until you find the weak point.

Your strategy should be to ask him to explain his position, rather than defending it. Open dialogue is less combative and having him justify his position may allow him to discover the errors in his argument. Even if this doesn’t happen, it will give you an insight into how he thinks. It is essential to focus on the points you agree with in his argument. The conversation will appease him, and more open dialogue will ensue.

You may even consider including exaggerated or false details in your argument, so you can thank him for finding the error. However, be sure to cater your praise to specific phrases or facts because he won’t accept blatant flattery.

One of the worst mistakes you can make when arguing with an alpha male is to complain. Alpha males are hard-working individuals who will most likely take this as a weakness. So, it’s best to approach these conversations under the veil of asking them for advice for a difficult situation, which shows you want to be proactive in finding a solution.

Conflict with an alpha male is inevitable because they’re stubborn and used to getting what they want. The likelihood of this is even greater you’re an alpha personality as well. You are likely just as stubborn as he is, which can lead to pretty heated arguments. Just take a step back during these times to give yourself time to decompress.

After you both cool off, come back to the conversation. Both of you will be calmer in energy and can approach the subject from a different angle.

On that note, you might be better off backing off completely. Alpha males learn best when their mistakes come back to bite them, so sometimes it’s best to sit back and let nature take its course.

What Are the Problems with the Alpha Male Obsession?

We have talked about being in a relationship with an alpha male, now let’s talk about why so many women want it.

Pop culture presents alpha males as ideal men who will provide for their families while always satisfying the needs of their partner. However, it is only recently that we are discovering that there are numerous personality types and how they don’t all fit into the molds of alpha or beta stereotypes.


Society’s obsession with the alpha male is problematic on several levels. Not only does it make most men insecure about themselves, it makes women believe the only men worth their time are alphas. This could not be further from the truth.

We don’t live in a world with these pseudo-societal roles, and it’s dangerous to force yourself to follow these. With supply and demand of alpha males being so disproportionate, opportunistic pretenders can take advantage of this gap. This can lead to a relationship that can become toxic, and sometimes potentially dangerous relationships.

Fake alpha males are easy to spot in conversations. They put people down in almost every interaction, treat women like they are beneath them, and are easily triggered. So being in a relationship with them means being their crutch. They’ll rely on you but belittle you to cover their shortcomings.

This behavior is also one of the hallmark signs of a toxic relationship, which can pop up anywhere in your life. Regardless of the nature of your relationship with this person, it’s crucial to recognize the signs of one before falling into their clutches:

  • Manipulative: Toxic people use others and are good at making people feel like they have to do what they want.
  • Judgmental: Toxic people tend to be very critical of their partner and others around them, even with the most insignificant details.
  • Lack of Personal Responsibility: They never take responsibility for their own emotions and project them onto others. If this is pointed out, they defend themselves and won’t budge for other viewpoints.
  • Never Apologizing: Toxic people are under the delusion that they are never at fault. They often play the victim card to other people to garner sympathy points.
  • Inconsistency: Alpha males are likely not to change their opinion regardless of who they’re talking to, but toxic fake alpha males will change their entire positions on a dime to tailor it to the person in question.

Toxic people make others prove themselves without showing their own merit. They often do this by placing you in a situation by forcing you to choose between themselves and something you want. Even if you choose them, you will seldom receive the same support and they will never be satisfied with your efforts.

Overall, toxic people are parasites with good adaptations skills. Disguising themselves as alpha males for a short time is not a problem for them.

Are Alpha Males for Everyone?

After reading all this, you may be questioning whether or not an alpha is worth it.

Alpha males are elusive not only because they are hard to find, but they are also difficult to live with. Maybe after one or two dates, the novelty will wear off, and you’ll move onto a better match. This outcome will always come true for women who want an equal partnership, but the alpha male is more traditional in gender roles.

Some women are looking for this while others are not, and there’s no need to feel bad either way. Women are much more independent than they were in previous generations, which means they have the right to choose what kind of relationships they want.

If one woman wants to be in an old-fashioned gender role, they are free to happy about it. On the flipside, women also have the freedom to rise and challenge men for leadership positions and are no longer satisfied with their traditional station.

So, let’s talk about the alpha woman and the beta man. For years, beta men were considered less desirable and inferior counterparts of alphas. This stereotype creates toxic feelings in men less confident than the alpha male, which can lead to belligerent behavior.

However, subservient men may be better suited for alpha women. Beta men are less competitive and are not as controlling as their alphas. By being more passive, the alpha female can take control. Allowing her to step into the leadership position without dominance struggles will make her feel happy and appreciated by her partner.

Beta men may also be content to take on more menial parts of the relationship like financial management and will be happy to help their alphas pursue their goals. Furthermore, beta women may feel intimidated by alpha men and may prefer a more subdued personality of a less assertive man.

But it’s important to note that alpha females have the same pitfalls as their male counterparts, with their stubborn personalities and pride preventing conflict resolution. Beta males have to have confidence in who they are and be able to stand their ground against their partner.

Proud beta males will be happy to serve as overall support for their alpha females while not get insecure about their positions.

The Takeaway


Take the time to self-reflect and decide if you want a relationship with an alpha male. It will take a lot of work, but the relationship will be stable once the dynamic is established.

Relationships will ultimately work if the couple is compatible. It is going to come down to individual preferences and figuring out if your personalities can make the relationship last for the long haul. So do not get hung up society’s obsession with alpha males.

Just figure out if this is the personality type that is right for you. If so, keep in mind you have to be assertive in your own right, take a logical approach in arguments, along with the other tips.

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