How to End a Long Distance Relationship
Long-distance relationships are tough to manage. But, when a long-distance relationship isn’t working, it can be challenging to figure out the best way to end it. If you live several time zones away, then you might not see your partner very often. Unfortunately, absences do not make the heart grow fonder. Usually, it’s the complete opposite.
When you are far away from your partner, you might not feel right breaking up over the phone. But, you might not have the ability to travel to do the deed in person. The cost of traveling can be extensive. Paying a lot of money to break up with someone might not be financially feasible. You don’t want to stick your partner with the costs, either.
Knowing When It’s Time to End It
Part of the problem with ending a long-distance relationship is understanding when it’s time to stop it. Long-distance relationships are tough, but once you’ve committed to staying together despite physical space, you’ve decided that there is something to save. Before ending it, notice if you have a few common problems.
If you have these issues in your relationship, you can use them as reasons to break up. Include them in the conversation when the time is right.
You No Longer Take Time to Be Together
When you have a long-distance relationship, you should make plans to talk regularly. You should also make plans to see each other, so you have something to look forward to enjoying. You might not be seeing each other in person, but you are still together.
If you are not spending time together via chats, emails, or phone calls, or if you are not making plans to see each other, then you might not have much of a relationship. It might be time to end the relationship so you can focus on someone closer to home.
Sharing Has Slowed
With the Internet, it is easy to communicate with someone who lives in another time zone. The plethora of communication apps makes long-distance romances seem closer than they are. Once the messages stop, then the relationship is on the way out. You should have a relatively easy time explaining why you want to end it when you no longer talk.
It might feel like you have both given up. If you have, then you have a good reason to break up with each other.
Your Partner Has Moved On – You Think?
If you think your partner has found someone new, then the time you are spending on the relationship is wasted. Usually, when one partner suspects someone is cheating, the relationship is close to being over. If you are anxious when you cannot get in touch with your partner, then the long-distance relationships might not be worth your time.
Being suspicious does not feel right. If your partner is not available to talk about your feelings, then you have a perfectly good reason to end it.
You Don’t Want to Travel
Another sign the relationship is on the outs is if you do not want to travel. If you are really in love, then you will do everything you can to see your partner. Consider what you want to spend your money on, especially if it is not your relationship. If it isn’t a plane ticket, then a break up is definitely in your future.
Instead, you might be looking into how to end a long-distance relationship.
The Partnership Has Jealousy
When a partnership is strong, both halves encourage each other to live their lives to the fullest. If you are having fun, but your partner isn’t, there could be problems. If your partner is jealous that you are finding success or having fun, then the relationship is no longer equal. This is where relationships end up dying.
When one partner is jealous of the other’s lifestyle, then the other partner might stop sharing information. Relationships without communication aren’t relationships.
You Only Have Small Talk
The challenge with long-distance relationships is having something to talk about regularly. When you are living in different time zones, you do not have shared experiences to share. This turns your conversations into small talk that doesn’t mean much. Eventually, talking about anything with substance becomes uncomfortable.
Instead of just having small talk, you should be able to talk about your relationship. If that can’t happen, then why bother with the relationship. You can have a small talk conversation with the cashier at the grocery store or with your Uber driver. You don’t need to stay with a long-distance relationship that offers you nothing in return.
The Relationship Has Become One-Sided
If you are doing all of the work and getting nothing in return, then you might be ready for a breakup. Being the only participant in a relationship isn’t satisfying. When you talk to each other, it’s always about your partner. They work hard at making you feel wrong about the long-distance relationship, and they expect you to do everything to keep it working.
This is a recipe for disaster. If you cannot get your partner to listen to you, then you do not have a relationship that will last. If you are the only listener in the partnership, then your partner is taking advantage of your kindness. It needs to stop, or the relationship will not last. You deserve a partner who cares about you.
Your Partner Put You on a Pedestal
Sometimes a long-distance relationship creates expectations that cannot be maintained. Your partner might love you, but not in the way you would expect. It might be more about the idea of love and maintaining a romantic relationship from a distance. You might be placed on a pedestal, and not even realize it.
It might feel good to be idolized or idealized by your long-distance partner. But it isn’t healthy. Your relationship should be based on equality, not on the idea of a romantic relationship from a distance. You can’t live up to being on a pedestal. No one can. Save your sanity and put an end to the partnership before someone gets hurt emotionally or psychologically.
The Fun is Gone
Relationships should be fun. If you no longer are enjoying the partnership or if the connection has lost any sense of surprise, then you might consider finding a local partner. Having a relationship from a distance is tough, especially when no one is making any effort. You only get one life, so you should be able to enjoy it, even if you have a long-distance relationship.
Ending the Relationship with Class
All of these challenges make how to stop a long-distance relationship a difficult problem to solve. However you solve it, you should do it with class. Since most people communicate via technology, ghosting becomes the easy way out. But, ghosting is a crude way to end a relationship with someone you cared about in the past.
Take Kindness into Consideration
How to end a long-distance relationship should be done with a sense of kindness. Rather than ignoring a person or making someone else do your dirty work, you should be decent in your approach. If you have an idea on how to end a long-distance relationship, but you aren’t sure if it is the right way, then wait. Run the idea past a trustworthy friend or family member first.
Think Through the Decision for No Regrets
Even if you are the person breaking off the relationship, you might feel pain. Ending a relationship is emotionally draining. You should have some emotional support at home to help you get through the breakup. Be sure to think strongly about the reasons why you want to end the relationship before you actually do it. You do not want to have any regrets.
When the time comes, you should think about how you can make it personally comfortable. You have to live with the result. You also have to live with yourself. So, to make the process bearable, the best thing you can do is to be honest. The process will be painful, but if you do it honestly, you won’t feel any regrets or excessive amounts of pain.
Consider Preferred Communication Styles
Before you figure out how to end a long-distance relationship, consider how often you and your partner communicate. This will show how deep your relationship has become. If you communicate every day, then your break up technique should be sensitive. If you don’t talk very often, then you might not have to worry too much about how you do it.
If you chat via text, but you don’t actually talk to each other, then a text message might be enough. But, if you talk on the phone or via Facetime, then you might want to choose something more personal and considerate.
Consider Sacrifices and Intentions
Another consideration is the intention of your relationship. Why did you decide to keep the relationship even though you were no longer living nearby? What sacrifices did you have to make? The most crucial intention to consider is why you are ready to end the relationship.
If any of the intentions are negative, then you might not want to end the relationship in person. A text message or phone call will keep you from avoiding negativity from your soon-to-be-ex.
Ending an Intimate Relationship
Relationships with high levels of intimacy can be the most difficult to stop. Both partners tend to develop strong bonds with each other, which makes breakups incredibly painful. But, if you are too far away to express your intimacy, then ending a relationship can be a good idea. When you love someone that much, being apart can be just as bad as being broken up.
If it is meant to be, you will rekindle the relationship when the time is right. Otherwise, it might be healthier for you to be apart. The way you decide to break up should be based on the emotions that you need to feel. If you need to see each other one more time, then it might be worth it to break up in person.
Emotions Can Be Tough to Manage
However, if seeing your partner will be release emotions that you do not want to feel, then you might want to break up over the phone. Seeing your partner might make you change your mind. Then, you have to go home and relive all of the pain of living far from each other.
Consider the End Moment
Another consideration for your break up is how you want to end the actual break-up moment. In previous times, slamming a phone on the hook felt good after a painful breakup. With mobile phones, pushing the end button just doesn’t give the same sense of closure.
If you want a dramatic moment, choose to break up in person. Being face to face allows you to walk away with satisfaction. Breaking up in person isn’t always an option, so if you need to end the moment with attitude, a video chat might be wise. Chatting allows you to end with some drama. You could end the call with attitude or get up and walk away from the camera, too.
Have Friends Nearby
Another way to have a set moment of closure is to have friends around when the relationship has officially ended. It can feel good to spend time with people who live near you. Go out with friends or spend time with your family. Being with loved ones will give you a sense of belonging, and it might provide a tiny bit of closure.
Consider Your Routine
You should also consider your daily routine. If you regularly call your partner or partake in an evening video chat, you might feel lonely at that time of day. To combat the sadness you feel and maintain your sense of closure, make plans that will keep you busy during that regularly scheduled event.
The Closure Letter and Closure Ceremony
There are a few other ways to achieve closure in a long-distance breakup. One is to write a letter to your ex. Psychologists often recommend writing letters as a way to achieve a sense of personal closure.
Write about what you need to write. Then, when you are finished, fold up the letter, tear it up, and throw it away. You’ve said all you need to say. No need to rehash the feelings by reading the letter again.
Some people will achieve closure with a small ceremony. Conduct the ceremony with friends, family, or alone. Light a candle. Say a little prayer. Listen to some music. Burn the letter you wrote. Experience your emotions as fully as possible, then let them go. When the ceremony is over, take care of yourself with a good meal, a fantastic massage, or a hot bubble bath.
Preparations for a Phone Break Up
When you break up with someone, you must decide if you are going to do it in person or not. Most professionals advise breaking up face-to-face. But, this isn’t always an option. In a long-distance relationship, you might not see each other for months at a time. This means that a phone break up is the best choice.
When you break up over the phone, you should make a few preparations. So you do not make any mistakes or say something that could haunt you, write a script. Keep it near the phone, so you can refer to it at any time during the phone call. Don’t write out everything you plan to say. Instead, write an outline, so you stay on track at a glance.
Some people also practice the break-up script before making the phone call. This will help you avoid going back on your decision. Practicing also allows you to try different voice tones and prepare for things your soon-to-be-ex will say.
Why You Should Avoid a Text or Email Break Up
It might be your only option, but you should avoid a text message or email break up if you can. When a couple breaks up, both parties need to be able to talk about the situation. In an email or text, the communication cannot be even. Breaking up via text or email is more like an announcement rather than a conversation.
Unfortunately, the text or email breakup might be the only choice. If you must break up that way, do not break up in the first text. Craft the breakup like a conversation with a greeting before you send the bad news.
Prepping for a Break-Up Conversation
Before sharing the news, you should prepare your partner. A long-distance relationship can be tough on its own, so the breakup should be respectful. Consider your partner’s schedule, so you are not doing the deed while your partner is at work or in class. Let your partner know that you need to have a talk and decide when the best time is together.
Your partner will have time to think about the upcoming conversation. Usually, when people plan to talk, the discussion will be good or bad. Not anything in between. Since the relationship is already long distance, you might be able to wait until the timing is right for both of you. This goes for phone calls, text conversations, and other non-face-to-face styles of communication.
Prepping your partner for the conversation might seem like a tough thing to do, but your partner might actually appreciate it. Knowing that something is on the way is much better than being shocked by a surprise announcement. Ripping the bandaid off can hurt, so easing into the bad news is the most respectful way to go.
You can share that you want to talk via text or email. Then, you can figure out the situation and have your plan in writing. Your conversation can start by saying that you want to talk later. Then, you can ask what will be a good time to talk. You can also decide if you want to talk on the phone or chat over a video or an app.
How to Talk About the Breakup
When you start the conversation, begin talking about your feelings. But, do not dominate the conversation. Let your partner talk, too. Be sure to listen. Do not rush to reply. Take in the information you hear and think about it before you say anything. If you have a script prepared, then you will be able to stay focused.
Your preparations should include having a reason why you want to break up now. Your partner will need to understand what is driving you to this need. No matter what you are feeling, try to stay as calm as possible. Always exhale before you say something, this will give you the opportunity to think about your words.
The tone of your voice will say as much as the words you say. This is why you should remain calm. If you get angry or frustrated, your message will be muddied. With a long-distance relationship, the break-up conversation needs to be clear and understandable. You don’t have the convenience of being in the same room or having unlimited time to talk.
If you stick with your goal of ending the relationship, be sure that you actually end the relationship. In a long-distance relationship, when you are conversing over the phone or an app, you might forget to achieve your goal. You might be busy comforting your partner. It can be easy to forget the actual purpose of the chat.
Return Items to Your Ex
After the relationship has ended, you must return your ex’s items. Package up items and mail what you can, being kind enough to wrap everything safely. If you have big items, like furniture, consider bringing those items to your ex’s family or friends. Hopefully, they can store the large items until your ex returns or if they visit your ex.
Despite the relationship being over, you can still be decent and kind by taking care of the things left in your care. You will expect the same from your ex, who will hopefully return your belongings in good condition, too.