How To Talk To Girls Online


We get it. Writing a strange female that you’ve found online can be intimidating. You want to make a good first impression without coming off as weird or boring. And you don’t want to sound creepy, which can be a challenge these days. You’re putting yourself at risk of rejection if you don’t get it right the first time. We’re here to help you learn how to talk to girls online.

Before the internet existed, people had to meet the old-fashioned way. You either had friends introduce you, or you introduced yourself to someone you thought looked interesting. Some people even placed personal ads in newspapers. But nowadays, more people are using dating apps and websites to find their partners.

When online dating first started, people thought it was a weird way to start a relationship. But when you think about it, what’s so odd about it? If you approach a female at a bar or in a store, you’re still striking up a conversation with a stranger. When you try to connect with someone online, at least you have a chance to prepare.

Let Us Teach You How to Talk to Girls Online

Before you can get started talking to women online, you need to be ready. Your first step should be to make sure that your profile is set up. Most ladies aren’t going to respond to a message without checking out the guy who sent it. Remember that women do better research than the FBI. Here are some things she’s going to check.

Your Pictures

She’s going to look at your pictures to see what kind of activities you do. The places you hang out. And what type of friends you have. Don’t use a mirror selfie for your profile pic. Women see it as vain and often ignore your messages. Studies show that the photos that get the best response are ones where the man isn’t looking directly at the camera. Which is your best side fellas?

Your Interests

She’s also going to look at your interests to see if you have anything in common. Some women don’t mind being opposites, while other women want a man who has similar interests. Be honest about what you do and don’t like. Don’t pad your profile to get dates. It can backfire when you’re eating tofu at a vegan restaurant instead of eating a steak and watching the game.

Your Posts

She’ll also go through your posts to try and get a feel of what kind of guy you are. If you have any offensive photos, you might want to consider taking them down or setting privacy restrictions, so they aren’t available for everyone to see. A good woman isn’t going to respond to a man she thinks is an egotistical misogynist. Now if you like them crazy, it could probably work.

What You’re Looking For

And finally, she’s also going to check out what you say you’re looking for in a relationship. You might be wanting something fun and casual while she’s looking for something serious. A relationship isn’t going to work if one of you is hearing wedding bells while the other is still interested in chasing tail.

Make Your Message Stand Out

If you’re using a dating site like Tinder or to find your next crush, be aware that these women get dozens of messages a day from all types of men. You’ve got to bring your A-game if you want a shot at getting a response. Women are going to make a snap judgment based on your first message.

If you say the right things, she’ll snoop through your profile to check you out and then decide if she wants to respond. Or, she could take one look at your average, “Hey, how are you?” and send you to the ignore pile faster than you can blink your eyes.

Unfortunately for you, women have heard every line in the book. So, don’t even try using one for your first contact. You need to put forth a real effort if you want to be good at talking to girls online. Don’t use the same cookie-cutter message for each girl you write. Personalize each one to match the woman you’re messaging.

Collect Data Before You Write Her

When you’re browsing through available females, don’t just focus on how she looks. If that’s what catches your eye first, then cool. But you need something more substantial to base your interest. She’s going to go through your profile with a fine-tooth comb so why shouldn’t you take advantage of the wealth of knowledge you have at your fingertips as well?

Check out her profile to see what kind of hobbies she has. This tip can help you figure out if you both enjoy doing the same things, which can come in handy later on if she agrees to an in-person date. Pay attention to little details. Does she have good taste in music or movies?

Or she could be interested in something that you’ve never done but would like to try, such as skydiving or mountain climbing. Use this information when you write your first message. Women love it when a man pays attention. If you show that you’ve read her profile, it may put you ahead of the men who are just messaging her because of her looks.

Start Your Message Right

Now that your profile is set up to make a good impression and you’ve done your research, it’s time to construct your opening line. You might end up writing your first message a dozen times, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. But each time you change it, you can get a little less confident.

A lot of men chicken out from writing a girl they’re interested in because they fear rejection. But what’s worse? To be turned down or to miss out on something great because you didn’t try? If you change your mind every time you’re going to talk to a new girl, you could end up miserable and alone. Quit doubting yourself. It’s not that hard to get a girl’s attention if you do it right.

Avoid saying the first thing that comes to your mind. Most messages that start with basic greetings like, “Hi” or “Hey” go unread or get deleted. You don’t want to look lazy or indifferent. Your match will appreciate it a lot more if you make a little effort. If you know her name, use it. Try something like this:

  • What’s up wonderful? (if you don’t know her name)
  • How are you today, Sally?
  • How’s it going, Sally? I’m Mike.

Catch Her Attention

Whether you like to admit it or not, you’re competing with dozens of other men for the same lady. Some of them may be more handsome, funnier, or have more money. You need something that is going to make you stand out and grab her attention. Something that will show her that she should take a chance on you over everyone else.

One of the quickest ways to set you apart from the rest is to notice something that they might not. You’ve scoped out this girl’s page, and you’ve got plenty of ammo. Put it to use by focusing on something she talks about a lot. Picking something she’s passionate about will more likely get you a response.

It doesn’t have to be something you have in common, or that you even know about. What matters is that you’re giving her a chance to talk about something she loves. And we all know how much women like to talk when someone is willing to listen. About 75% of women that use dating sites are only interested in a conversation.

Don’t Compliment Her Looks

In most cases, if you mention a girl’s looks in your introduction message, she won’t bother responding. If she does, it will be a simple thank you and nothing more. Women are more likely to respond to a man who compliments her on her tastes in food, music, hobbies, whatever it may be.

Check out what she does for a living. Women love getting praise for their brains and talents. Maybe she’s a kickass lawyer with an excellent record. Or she’s a physical therapist during the day and a hobby photographer in her free time. A lot of men are intimidated by women with high powered jobs. You might score brownie points by showing that you’re impressed instead.

One study showed that women respond more to messages that use words like “interesting” or “fascinating” or “impressive” as compliments rather than “sexy”, “hot”, or even “beautiful.” The goal of your first message is to get a response. If you show appreciation for something she enjoys, she’ll be more interested in telling you more about herself.

There’s a Proper Way to Compliment Her

Once you’ve begun to correspond with each other, you may decide you’re ready to compliment her appearance. But you want to do it in a way that doesn’t seem like that’s all that matters. One easy way is to use a joke to cover up the fact that you’re showing an interest in her looks. It’s called the push-pull technique.

Offer a compliment like “It’s so cool that you like football!” But then tack on, “It’s too bad you don’t like the right team.” If you want to get brave, add something like, “We could have had a great life together.” And then a touch of humorous self-deprecation, “But I’m weak when it comes to a pretty lady so you might chance to switch my loyalties.”

When mentioning her looks, focus on things like her eyes, her smile, or her hair. Don’t ask questions like her weight, height, or measurements. These are questions you can discuss later or find out when you meet in person. If you’re only interested in a quick hookup, then it might be okay to address these factors early on, if you know that she’s open to discussing it.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

If you’re going to get a conversation going, you must give her something to discuss. If you ask her any questions, try to phrase them so that she can’t respond with a yes or no. You should have plenty of information about her interests from when you looked at her profile. Pick something that interests you and come up with a hypothetical question that makes her think.

A Helpful Example

“I noticed on your profile that you like to travel. If you could pick one place in the world to visit, where would it be, and why? Who knows. Maybe we could meet there one day in the future.”

Cause a Reaction

You want to make her feel emotion from reading your words. That doesn’t mean talk all poetic and try to woo her with flowery words. And it doesn’t mean telling corny knock-knock jokes to make her laugh. Show her your personality. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re smart, toss her a philosophical question. Surprise her.

Here’s One Way to Do It

“If you could pick a planet that you’d like to live on, which planet would you pick? What would it be like? They’re currently recruiting for colonists to travel to Mars. But I’ve seen too many Martian movies to want to go there. How does it sound to book a trip to Saturn for our 60th wedding anniversary? The kids can help pay.”

Go In with Both Guns Blazing

By combining your intelligence with a sense of humor, you’re creating a cocktail most women won’t be able to resist. You’re also showing that you have a positive outlook. Women are more attracted to men who aren’t afraid to show their confidence. There is a difference between being confident and being arrogant. Be humble but be bold.

Show The Real You

When you begin talking, don’t steer the conversation towards yourself. But if she asks you about something, tell the truth. Yeah, you may be an asshole, but you’re a fun-loving asshole with a good heart. You should know your strengths and weaknesses, and you should be accepting of them.

We all have things we’re bad at and things which we do good. Some men are good at working on cars. Others are good with computers. You’ve got men that have the looks. And the ones that got the brains. You get my drift. Use your strengths to your advantage. If you can sing, pick a line from one of her favorite songs and record a video of you singing to attach to your message. It’ll blow her away.

If you’re an awkward guy that can’t think of something cool to say, own it. Admit that you want to say something to wow her, but that’s not the kind of person you are. You’re subtle – but a great conversationalist once you get comfortable with someone. You’re not the one she’d want to overlook because you don’t have game. That means you aren’t a player — bonus points.

Don’t Be Too Casual

Today, most people use text lingo and slang in their everyday conversations. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but my pet peeve is seeing misspelled words and jacked up sentences. And if I see missing punctuation, I’m hitting delete without even reading it.

Case in Point

“Heyy sexy how u doin you so hot!! We should kick it hmu

Delete Your Profile Now

If this is how you are going to talk to ladies, you should go ahead and delete your profile now. Women don’t like you talking to them like this. Using common acronyms like “lol” or “omg” is acceptable but let your phone or computer help you with grammar and spelling. You don’t want her to think you’re immature or unable to sustain a serious conversation.

Once you start talking, it’s okay to start using slang and abbreviations some, but match your tone to hers. If she’s being proper and grammatical, you should try and do the same to the best extent possible. You don’t have to be a grammar nazi but use some periods.

Tell yourself this to help you remember. “Ladies hate missing periods.” Get it? Haha. I’m so hilarious (And for the record, you could also get away with using haha from the get-go).

Be Honest

Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or just a casual hookup, it’s essential to be honest on your profile, and in all your conversations. A relationship built on lies won’t last long, so it’s best to start with everything out on the table from the get-go. I’m not telling you to lay your life story out for your crush in your very first message.

But if you’re not looking for anything serious, have it out there for everyone to see. This clarification avoids any messy situations if you start talking to someone, and they begin getting expectations. If you want a relationship, use your bio to explain what you want in a relationship.

Focus on things you want to do together as a couple. Plans you want to do with someone in the future. Give your dream girl the chance to get to know a bit about you and what you have to offer. But don’t say you want to go skydiving if you’re afraid of flying. You might end up talking to a girl who likes to skydive and wants to take you. Have fun getting out of that one!

You Have to Have Patience

If you don’t get a response on the first day, stay positive. She might have a busy schedule and only check her messages every few days. Resist the urge to reach out to her again. Even if it means you never talk to her. Don’t get discouraged if you strike out more than once. No one can get it right all the time.

Instead, use the rejections or the ignored messages as a learning tool. Analyze them to see if there are any similarities. If you’re using the same self-deprecating tone of voice in each letter, this could be your problem. Maybe you sound too desperate or too eager. Or you go into too much detail.

A right opening message will be around forty words. Anything longer can make your crush scan over it briefly before moving on to the next one. Anything too short can make it seem like you’re not that interested in hearing back from her. Or that you’re just looking to pass some time and have some fun. If you actually want a serious relationship, this could be a problem.

Know Where You’re Going from the Start

One of the main problems with talking to girls online is that you could end up investing a lot of time into a female that isn’t interested in meeting face to face. You never know which women will actually show up when it’s time to get together in person. Or how long a girl will expect you to wait before you meet up.

Once you’ve started talking, get the scoop on her experience with online dating. How long has she been doing it? Has she gone on any dates with anyone she met online? Would she be open to meeting you? If so, how long does she need to feel comfortable getting together? Four or five emails is usually enough online communication to qualify for face to face.

All women are different. Some might not mind meeting a stranger after only talking for a few days. Other women might expect you to speak for a few weeks before you meet up. Don’t pass up on a chick because she won’t meet up as soon as you start talking. And don’t wait around on one that isn’t interested.

Give It A Shot!

It can be hard trying to figure out how to get good at online dating. We know. That’s why we wanted to help you learn how to talk to girls online. If you follow our suggestions, you’ll be chatting it up with a new lady in no time.

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