Is He Losing Interest? – FE
It’s easy for people who are dating someone they like to latch onto every word and gesture and try to find meaning in it. When a guy you’ve been dating for a while, suddenly stops paying attention to you or calling you, you may be confused, hurt, or angry.
You can confront him in person or by text about him canceling plans or looking bored, ignore the situation and hope it gets better, or cut your losses and find someone new. The approach you use depends on your personality, how much you like the guy, and how often he shows signs that he’s losing interest in you.
It’s helpful to set your emotions aside and look objectively at how he’s been treating you during your last few dates. Many signs show how a guy feels about you and whether or not you should take him seriously as boyfriend or husband material.
Signs He May Be Losing Interest in Dating You
Here are some of the signs that answer the question, Is he losing interest? If you guy shows a few of these behaviors, he’s probably already checked out of the relationship, but is just hanging on because he doesn’t know how to tell you it’s over and secretly wants you to end the relationship.
He Stops Making Plans and Going Out in Public with You
When a man is interested in a woman, he will take her out to restaurants, concerts, and other public places. He’ll hang out with heart his place or her place and jump at the chance to see her or talk or text her.
Your guy will stop making plans with you if he’s losing interest. He may cancel dates at the last minute or stop showing up without calling or texting.
In some cases, he may be sick or going through problems at his job. It’s easy to assume the worst, so fill up your time with friends, hobbies, and work. If you contact him after a few days and you get a vague response or no response, it may be time to date other guys.
He Doesn’t Want to Talk About the Relationship and Your Future
A guy who doesn’t want to talk about the next step in your relationship, or even show signs that he wants something more, probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship or marriage.
Guys are notoriously tight-lipped about discussing where a relationship is going even if they are interested, but a man who doesn’t even hint that he wants something more may not be the guy for you.
A guy who doesn’t want to talk about the future of a relationship may just feel awkward about the conversation. In that case, study his actions. If he still treats you great and takes you places, he may just feel weird about having the “where are we going?” conversation.
Here are a few examples of what to watch out for:
- He doesn’t say the relationship is serious, or that he wants to get engaged, move in with you, etc.
- He won’t say that you’re his girlfriend when introducing you to other people
- He says he’s not sure he wants to have a serious relationship, or that he doesn’t know you well enough yet to determine if he wants a relationship
He Only Wants Sex
When a guy calls you up for sex or “booty calls,” but doesn’t want to go places with you or even hang out with you in a non-sexual way, he doesn’t want a relationship. If he avoids your attempts to do things besides have sex, he probably considers you a hook-up or friend with benefits.
Most guys who consider a girl as a hook-up will become persistent about contacting her for sex whenever he wants. If this happens, cut off all contact with him. A guy who expects you to answer his texts for hook-ups with no regard for you as a person will not suddenly turn into someone who wants a relationship.
He Stops Being Romantic
A guy may take you to fancy restaurants or spend lots of time with you when he first dates you, but then trail off on the amount or quality of interaction. He may stop asking you what you’d like to do, and only take you to events that interest him.
When a man is keen on wooing a potential love interest, he’ll try to impress her by dressing up, looking good, and taking her to exciting, offbeat, or classy places. If he loses interest, he’ll take her to random restaurants at the last minute instead of making plans.
You may notice that he wears jeans and a T-shirt instead of dressing up, or that he’s unshaven. An untidy appearance is a sign that he’s stopped trying to impress you, and either views you as a friend or just wants you for a hook-up.
Stop contacting him or answering his texts or calls if he acts this way. He is showing that he doesn’t take you or the relationship seriously.
This behavior may also be his passive-aggressive way of breaking up with you. He might be too weak-willed to tell you straight out he doesn’t want to see you anymore, and he hopes you’ll get the hint and break up with him if he acts uninterested.
He Won’t Call You on the Phone
A guy who wants a relationship will see you in person and call you on the phone. Even though texting is considered to be the primary source of communication for couples in the 21st Century, a phone call is more personal and immediate.
Many experts consider a phone call the best mode of communication in love, personal relationships, and business. Anyone who calls you on the phone wants an immediate, personal connection and has the time to listen to you.
If a guy never calls you on the phone, used to call you but stopped, or doesn’t answer your calls, you’ve got your answer to Is he losing interest? He’s telling you he doesn’t care about talking to you, and may consider you just a friend – or merely an annoyance and not even a friend.
It’s easier to ignore a phone call than a non- response to a Facebook post or online chat. He won’t need to make plans with you if he doesn’t answer your call. Consider breaking up with a guy if he’s never called you, even when you first started dating, and he shows other avoidant or rude behavior.
Don’t call him if he doesn’t call you, Get on with your life and try not to think about him. Occasionally, guys will get curious when a girl (even one they weren’t that interested in) doesn’t contact them. He may call you back just to see what you’re doing or see if you’re still interested in him.
Guys don’t like it when women call or text them too often, even during the throes of a serious affair or relationship.
His Temper Flares or He Becomes Rude for No Reason
Any guy who suddenly starts treating you rudely, ignoring you, or insulting you may be intentionally (or unintentionally) trying to get you to break up with him. He can be rude to you by phone, text, in person, or even on social media.
He might provoke you by saying outrageous things, hoping to get a negative response from you, or swear when he talks to you or about you, Break off the relationship immediately if he does this. Often, this behavior is used by both men and women to drive away someone they aren’t interested in romantically.
He Fights with You More
He may start causing fights over small, insignificant things, or blaming you for things that you have no control over, like getting stuck in a traffic jam. Picking fights with you is a way he can blame you for a break-up, even though you did nothing to merit his anger.
He’s too passive-aggressive to come out and say he wants to end the relationship because he found someone else or it’s not working out, so he creates a reason.
Sudden fights over nothing are a big red flag if your guy has never shown much anger, even over major issues, in the past.
He Doesn’t Call You By Your Name
A man who doesn’t call you by your first name, or who used to do it but stops, doesn’t take you seriously as a romantic partner. When a guy calls you “sweetie,” “babe,” “Bae” or similar names instead of your first name, it means that he can’t remember your name and maybe dating several girls at once.
If you refer to him by his first name, and he never does the same to you, he probably wants you only for a fling and isn’t interested in a serious relationship.
He Stops Having Sex with You
When a guy stops getting physically intimate with you, it means he’s lost interest in you as a romantic partner, although he may still like you as a friend. Occasionally, men will lose interest in physical intimacy if they’re stressed or ill, but this usually occurs in older men.
Younger guys usually stop having sex with a partner if they’ve found someone else or if they’re bored with you. A guy who’s not interested in physical intimacy will soon stop contacting you for dinner dates or hanging out, and eventually, end all contact and “ghost” you.
Instead of waiting for him to break up with you, start dating other guys and consider him part of your past.
He Flirts With Other Girls When You’re Around
Write off the relationship if he flirts with other girls in front of you. He obviously doesn’t have any respect for you and wants to hurt your feelings if he does this when he’s out in public with you. He’s trying to get you to break up with him if he does this.
There’s only one other reason a guy would flirt with another girl in front of you. He may be mad at you because he thought you flirted with another guy and is “getting back” at you. Either way, this behavior is unacceptable, and you should look to greener pastures.
His Enthusiasm At Seeing You Disappears
When a guy is serious about you, he’ll be happy to see you and show enthusiasm during your date or your time together. He’ll perk up and feel and act better. You do the same thing around a guy you like and want a relationship with – he makes you feel great, emotionally, intellectually, creatively, physically, and spiritually.
As soon as a guy loses interest, he loses his spark and no longer looks happy or engaged. He may just go through the motions on a date, seem uninterested in what you’re saying, or glance around the room at other girls.
Then why did he bother even going on a date with you if he doesn’t care about you anymore?
He Refers to You as a Friend
If he’s never called you his girlfriend, or used to and now refers to you as a friend or good friend, he’s telling you that you have no chance of being a steady romantic partner. He may want to continue seeing you as a friend, or he may want to get you out of his life for good.
You should break up with him for your own happiness and self-esteem if you’re only interested in having him as a boyfriend, and cut off all future contact. Break up with him and keep him as a friend while dating other guys if you genuinely like him as a non-romantic friend.
He Makes Excuses
He will make up excuses for why he can’t see you, or why he doesn’t call or text anymore. He may say he’s been busy at work, traveling a lot, under stress, etc. when he really doesn’t want any contact with you. When this avoidant behavior continues for weeks or months, he doesn’t want to continue with the relationship.
A guy who makes excuses like this may be on the fence about breaking up with you. He doesn’t want to see you most of the time, but he doesn’t want to break up with you or stop taking your calls officially. However, if a guy is that conflicted about whether or not he should see you, it’s best to look for someone else.
His Attention Towards You Declines
You should be concerned if your guy’s texts, calls, and in-person visits suddenly plummet. Most guys don’t usually lose interest bit by bit – they go from 100 rpm to zero quickly, and stop engaging with the former object of their affection.
Sometimes guys stop most contact but may call or text once in a while to make sure you’re still available to see them. Guys often do this if they’re dating several women and can’t find someone else at a given time. They are using you as a “back-up” in case no one else answers their calls.
You Sense Something Is Wrong
Always trust your gut. If he looks and acts the same, but something seems “off,” it probably is. Even if he seems fine on the surface, he may be nervous about a work-related issue or another problem in his life, or he may be jumpy because he wants to break up with you but isn’t sure how to do it.
You Are Low on His Priority List
It’s perfectly fine to spend time apart or take breaks from each other. However, if your guy cancels dates because he has to spend time with his friends at a bar, go to a movie with his brother, study, or stay home and paint his apartment (without asking you to come over and help), he’s telling you in a roundabout way he doesn’t want to see you anymore.
When you’re lower on the list of priorities than fixing his apartment, it’s time to look for a new boyfriend. Of course, there’s always the possibility he’s lying to you about why he doesn’t want to see you. He may be dating other women and keeping you on his second-string list.
What to Do (And What to Avoid) If He Loses Interest
You may feel like spying on him to find out what’s going on with him. Is he seeing another woman or several women? Is he really busy or sick like he told you he was? No matter how much you like the man, and want the relationship to continue, avoid being too clingy and don’t stalk him.
Don’t send him angry or desperate texts, complete with emoticons, asking where he’s been or what he’s doing. Avoid posting emotional messages on his Facebook profile for all your friends and family to see. Excessive or clingy messages will make him avoid you more, and he may even complain about it on social media.
Avoid stalking his social media to find out what’s happened to him. You’ll only get upset and may even misinterpret what you see online. (Guys overreact, too, when they stalk women’s social media.) There are many reasons to stay off social media, and stalking exes (or current love interests) is one of them.
Let’s face it, both men and women do this when they receive messages from someone they’re not interested in or someone who exhibits stalker-like behavior.
Avoid contacting his family and friends. If he’s really stressed or sick, they may mention it to you, but don’t initiate any conversation. You’ll be in even bigger trouble with him if he finds out you contacted his friends and family behind his back to check up on him.
You should concentrate on your own life and forget about him. That’s easier said than done when you feel someone you’re interested in isn’t that interested in you. Enlist your friends to help you with fun activities or take classes in art or other subjects you like. Date new guys. Nothing will get your mind off an ex (or soon to be ex) than a new guy.
Build up your self-esteem, and work on your career, friendships, looks, and wardrobe. Once you’ve spent some time away from him to work on yourself, he may even call you up and say he misses you. Of course, by that time you may be too busy even to take his call.
If you are meant to be with him, he’ll come back to you and apologize for his previous behavior. After a few weeks have passed and you don’t hear from him, go on with your new life and don’t look back. Life is short, and you don’t want to wait around for someone when you could meet a new guy who’ll treat you like royalty.
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out whether a guy’s lost interest in you or whether he’s just upset about other things in his life and can’t focus on anything. When you’re dating a guy you like, you’re probably extra sensitive to everything he says and does, and more aware of everything he doesn’t say or do.
Take a step back and think about his recent behavior toward you. If his words and actions have cooled off, it’s time to ask him about his feelings and sort things out or end the relationship. Staying in a tense or emotionless relationship will waste your time. Instead, face the truth and admit that you have the answer to is he losing interest?
Talk to your friends or family if you’re having a hard time adjusting to a boyfriend or potential boyfriend losing interest in you. This situation happens to all of us at one time or another.
Some women are able to bounce right back and meet new guys, while others take longer to get back in the dating game. Concentrate on the road ahead of you and new adventures, and you’ll soon meet the right guy for you.