Tips to Help You Fight Less
5 Steps to Fight Less in Your Relationship
Even the happiest of couples are bound to have their share of fights. It’s only natural that when you spend so much time and share so much of your life with someone else, disagreements are going to come up once in a while. However, if you feel that you and spouse are fighting so much that it is putting a strain on your relationship and on your emotional well-being, then it is time to start doing something about it.
It may not be so easy at first, but if you both follow and stick to these five tips and you’ll be well on your way to a happier and healthier relationship.
Don’t Take Everything Personally
An excellent way to stop many fights before they start is to not take everything your partner says and does so personally. Now, this doesn’t mean that you should let them get away with any behavior that is directly intended to hurt you. Rather, it means that you shouldn’t automatically assume that, for example, their sour mood has anything to do with you. If your partner seems out of sorts, then ask them what is wrong before assuming that they must be upset or angry with you.
Be Willing to Forgive and Forget
When in a long-term relationship, it is important to pick your battles wisely. Sometimes you are going to run into an issue that you and your partner are simply never going to see eye-to-eye on. If at all possible, it is best to forgive, forget, and move on. Pursuing every disagreement to the bitter end is only going to exhaust you, so you need to learn when it is best to just drop it and agree to disagree.
Some couples find that minor squabbles turn into gigantic arguments before they even have a chance to understand what is going on. This is likely because one or both partners overreacted in the face of what should have been a non-issue. Be careful that you take the time to understand each other and to understand the problem for what it is. Communication is the key to keeping small arguments from blowing up.
Try to Put Your Disagreements in Perspective
Sometimes, your relationship is going to encounter problems that need to be worked through and argued out no matter how painful it may be. However, most of your minor fights are definitely not going to be of this sort. At the beginning of an argument, you should ask yourself if you would actually rather be pursuing the current disagreement than simply making up, forgiving each other, and moving on. If the issue isn’t significant enough to sacrifice your happiness for, then don’t.
Own up to Your Mistakes
Finally, to fight less in your relationship, you are going to have to learn to own up to your mistakes. Many arguments start small but soon spiral out of control because one or both partners are stubbornly unwilling to admit what they have done wrong. This can then turn into a long and fruitless play-by-play of who did and said what. If you take responsibility for your actions, then your partner will be much more willing to take responsibility for theirs. Defensiveness or the inability to admit your own flaws can do significant harm to a marriage.
If you find that you are fighting more and more and having fewer moments of calmness, fun or connection, you both may benefit from some counseling to help get you back on track.