What To Do When He Can’t Say I Love You


When you’re in love, you want to shout it from the rafters. But, if your man doesn’t say it back, all of those feelings start to get confused. It can be tough to fully understand how to feel when you are head-over-heels in love, but the person you love can’t express those feelings in return.

Saying I love you shows you are vulnerable. And, when your man doesn’t say it in return, the silence can be deafening. You might begin to feel anxious as you wonder when he will reciprocate. You might even start to wonder if you are in a relationship at all and what to do when he can’t say I love you.

Your man might actually love you more than you could imagine. He might not realize how important it is for you to hear the words. Instead, he might show you how he feels in a plethora of loving ways. Those three words are just words. What matters is how he shows you his feelings as your relationship continues to grow.

Unfortunately, if you are concerned with what to do when he can’t say I love you, your relationship will begin to suffer. If you think about it too much, your relationship might not ever recover from your need to hear those words. Before you figure out what to do when he can’t say I love you, learn why he won’t say those three special words.

The Commitment Might Be Too Much for Him

For some men, those three words are incredibly powerful. They also come with a commitment that could last a lifetime. Your man might not be able to say I love you because he isn’t ready to make a life-long commitment. For some men, I love you is reserved only for the person they plan to marry.

By not saying I love you, your man could be telling you that he isn’t ready to commit to marriage. His silence might also tell you that he likes the relationship just the way it is. He isn’t prepared to move into the next phase of the relationship. In his mind, silence is safer and brings less pressure to his life.

But, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. He might love you more than he has loved any other person. He might not be ready to tell you. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you. So, what do you do?

Your feelings are just as important as his. So, you need to take care of them. If you need to understand where he stands, take a look at what he does and how he treats you. His inability to say I love you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He might be too scared to tell it to you.

His Family Never Said It

Another reason your man hasn’t said I love you could be dependent on how his parents raised him. Some families do not share their feelings. Children who grow up in a household that does not express feelings can become adults who do not express their feelings. He might not say I love you because he’s never told anyone, not even to his mother.

For someone who grew up not saying I love you, saying can be frightening. The words are meaningful and powerful, which makes it difficult for someone who shows their love in other ways. In fact, there are several languages that people use to show love. They might prefer to show love by giving their time to you, or by touching you. Words don’t work for everyone.

If you want to know if your man loves you, look at the different methods he can use. Does he want to spend time with you? Does he hug, kiss, and cuddle? Does he give you gifts? Does he offer to do things for you? If he does any of those things, he definitely loves you.

He Can’t Live Up to the Meaning of the Words

Saying I love you could have too much meaning for your man. He might feel he isn’t brave enough to stand behind those powerful words. He might not be ready for a commitment, or he might not be prepared for the feelings that are associated with those words. I love you comes with a sense of honor, and he might not feel honorable enough to utter it.

Rather than become angry or frustrated with his inability to profess his love. Look for other ways that he shows his love. If you are still worried, why not just ask him why he doesn’t say it? If you’ve said it, you’ve already become vulnerable enough to ask.

However, if you ask, you might start to worry that he’s only saying it because you’ve requested the words. So, think for a while before you open up your heart even more. If he can’t answer back to you, you might have already shared enough of your heart and soul — no need to give up any more if you aren’t ready.

He Might Not Be in Love with You

Unfortunately, there might be another reason why he can’t say I love you. He might not love you. He might have strong emotions for you, but those feelings might not be love. Some children grow up not seeing adults show their love for each other, which can make it difficult for them to understand how love looks and feels.

Your man might be able to express his emotions through love, kisses, and lovemaking. But, he might not want to be intimate with his words. This can be tough to swallow for someone who is comfortable expressing emotions through words. He might care genuinely about you, but this is different from being in love with you.

So, what do you do? If you are happy, then you might not want to do anything other than maintaining the status quo. If the relationship is fulfilling, why try to fix it? You might cause more harm than good. With a little patience, you might hear the words you want to hear as you become closer through time.

You should look at yourself and decide if you are making the three words more valuable than they actually are. Some people say I love you to strangers who hold a door open or are wearing a tee with a funny message. It is easy to dilute the words, which is why some people do not say I love you to anyone.

If your man acts as he loves you, then he probably does. He doesn’t have to say it to show you that he loves you. However, if he is distant or struggles to show he cares in any small way, then you should worry. If all is good at his end, take a look at yourself. Are you worrying too much about the three little words?

Even if he doesn’t love you, your relationship can still be healthy. Your relationship could still be developing. Your man might not be ready to be in love with you. He might need time. If you are enjoying your time together, then there isn’t any reason to end it while it is still growing.

When Do You Do Something About the Silence?

After you’ve taken the time to figure out why your man can’t say I love you, the next step is to figure out what you should do about it. Some people might not do anything. They are ok with the status of the relationship, and three words aren’t significant enough to end it. But, if you really need to hear the words, then you’ve got to do something.

Why Do You Need to Hear I Love You?

Before you understand his feelings, you should learn about your own. Why is it so important to you that he verbally expresses his love for you? If you grew up in a house where your parents said I love you, you might feel that it is necessary to express your feelings verbally.

If you are struggling on the inside, look deeply into your experiences to figure out why you feel this way. Some people need to hear the words because they lack the security that comes with the words. By looking at your own emotions and experiences, you might learn that you don’t need to hear the words to know your man loves you with all of his heart.

Does He Show His Love in Another Way?

Before you worry that he doesn’t love you, take a good look at the other ways he expresses himself to you. Not everyone feels strongly about saying words to show their feelings. Many people use different methods to show they care. Your man might give you gifts or do things for you as he reveals he loves you.

Once you notice that he is showing his love, recognize it. Thank him. Show you that you appreciate what he is doing for you. If he gives you gifts, give him presents, too. If he loves to cuddle, then you should cuddle back. If he doesn’t say I love you, the words might not mean as much to him. It might mean more for him to make you a delicious dinner or fill your car with gas.

If you want to see the good in your relationship, you have to look for it. If you are only looking for the things your man doesn’t do, those are the only things you are going to see. Change your focus, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much better you will feel about your relationship. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to feel and see how much you are loved.

By recognizing how he shows love, you might actually help you man feel confident enough to say I love you.

Fear Might Be Getting in the Way

When someone can’t say I love you, it is different than if they won’t say it. Your man might associate the words with rejection, so he can’t say them. He might love you more than you know, but he can’t get the words out of his mouth. Accept your man for who he is, and you might hear those words sooner than you expect.

On the flip side, your man might be avoiding the words. Instead of being unable to say the words because of something from his past, your man might not care enough to say the words. If this is the case, you will know. A man who doesn’t love you will not show his love in other ways. If you don’t see signs of love, then you might be seriously wasting your time.

If you willingly show your love in a variety of ways, but your man doesn’t, then you should take a good look at your relationship. It might be time to move on and look for someone who has a love language you can understand. There is someone out there for everyone. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness.

Is He Expecting You to Show Love in Another Way?

While you are waiting for your man to say I love you, he might be waiting for you to show love in a non-verbal way. Some people think that the only way to show love is to say it. But, others look for an expression of love in non-verbal ways. We often get so caught up in our own emotions that we fail to look at the feelings of others.

Take time to develop empathy toward your man. As you do this, notice what he needs to feel loved in your relationship. The way he expresses his love could be what he is expecting to see from you.

If he sends you flowers at work, then you could reciprocate by bringing home his favorite take-out food for dinner. Notice his reaction, and you may have found the non-verbal message he needed. When you find out what your man needs, you will be able to see the ways he shows his love. The gifts we give to others reflect what we need.

Seeing the reciprocity in your relationship should make you feel better about not hearing I love you from your man.

Is Your Relationship Going Well?

If your relationship is moving along in a positive direction, then your man loves you. Those three little words should not create a rift in a relationship that is strong in every other way. To squelch your worries, make a list of all of the good things in your partnership. You might be pleasantly surprised at how good you actually have it.

Take Time to Learn About Non-Verbal Messages of Love

Ignorance isn’t always blissful. What you do not know can cause you pain. If you are impatiently expecting your man to say I love you, then you are missing out. Your man might be showing his love in unexpected ways, and you might be missing them. Instead of being upset about not hearing I love you, take time to learn about other love languages.

People express their love in different ways. You can avoid anger and frustration if you learn about the psychology of expressing love. When you learn about the different ways people express love, your relationship can go to another level. Your man might be showing his love through words, but the words do not have to be I love you.

Learning about love languages makes it easier to express your love, too. You might find that you have limited your own ability to express yourself. People can show love in several ways, including:

  • Affectionately touching
  • Gift giving
  • Giving attention
  • Spending time together
  • Saying kind things
  • Showing kind acts

Realize If You Must Hear the Words

If you must hear I love you and your man won’t say it, then you have a decision to make. Your love language needs to be honored and respected. If it isn’t, then your relationship might not ever be satisfying for you. The lack of verbal expression might be the deal-breaker for your relationship.

You have to be happy in a relationship. It might be extreme to end the relationship because your man can’t say I love you. If you have been together for some time, you might want to see a couple’s therapist before you end it.  But, if your man can’t say it, he might accept the break-up and move on quickly.

However, if you have been unhappy for some time, ending the relationship could be freeing for you. If you aren’t happy, then you should do something that will make you happy.

Consider Whether You Should Talk About It

If the lack of love messages is bothering you, then you might want to take time to talk about it. However, if your man won’t say I love you, talking about those words might even farther out of his comfort zone. You won’t get the answers you seek if you do not speak with him. But, your relationship might end if you do talk about it.

Relationships involve two people, but you have to consider your feelings in the matter. If you feel strongly about the three words, then talking about it might be a necessity. You might find that his response is enough for you to recognize that he loves you, even if he can’t say it. But you might find the opposite.

When you take time to talk about your relationship, your relationship might go to the next level. Some people thrive off of talking to their partners. They find talking as being more intimate than the physical aspects of a relationship. If you do not try to talk about your relationship, you will never learn more about your partner.

Come Up with Something You Can Both Say

Your man might not ever feel comfortable saying I love you. But he might love you more than you know. If you need to hear a verbal confirmation that he loves you, then you will need to compromise. This is where creativity can come into play. Instead of saying I love you, come up with something unique that only you share.

Consider some famous movie lines where characters were able to show their love without having to say I love you. Maybe you say I love you, but your partner says I know. Or perhaps you say I love you, and he says three-thousand. Or you come up with something that is unique to your partnership.

Creating your own language of love will make you feel better about your relationship. It also gives him the tools to show you that he loves you, even if he is unable to form those words. Sometimes, men are unable to share the literal way they feel, but they can express themselves figuratively. You have to decide on what the figurative method will be.

Recognize That Showing Trumps Telling

Some people genuinely believe that talk is cheap. What matters is how you show your love. For some people, saying I love you is so easy to say that it becomes meaningless. But, showing love through acts of kindness, giving gifts, and sharing moments is priceless. Do more of those things and your relationship will thrive.

Your actions speak louder than your words. Your man’s actions do, too. Notice how your man helps you when you least expect it. Recognize how he fills in where you are lacking. These are the ways that some people show their love. In storytelling, authors who show emotions through actions and reactions create better stories than authors who tell what is happening.

Step back and get out of your head. Notice what your man is doing for you. Does he make your coffee? Take care of the laundry? Send you loving texts? When you start to notice him, you will see how his actions are screaming I love you without having to say a word.

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